The Courage to be happy
The power of family bonds and ties cannot be overestimated, for their power is far reaching, often spanning many generations. I’ve written on this topic of having the courage to be happy many times before and I do so as none of us can really overestimate the power of human loyalties. So why do I labour this point? Well, essentially, I am yet to come across a single human being where a hidden loyalty has not been a source of suffering – life limitation, emotional burden or even chronic illness. Additionally the loyalties can be so strong that so many are even reluctant to heal such negative bonds of love and loyalty for two main reasons – a false sense of guilt stands in the way or our fear of feeling deeply buried emotional pain stops us from looking any deeper.
It takes a very courageous child to be happier than their parents. The child may excel in business and become wealthier than the parents but be unhappy in relationships, or the child may be happy in relationships but lack health and vitality. Our loyalty to the suffering of others is a primary source of our own suffering.
Through the medium of Family Constellation work we can look at our distorted bonds and loyalties face on without denials or the need to mask anything, and all in an atmosphere of safety. In this way we can wrestle ourselves free of the loyalties that burden us and transform negative bonds to those of love.
Just for a moment I invite you to take a nice deep breath, sit still, close your eyes and imagine your parents and grandparents standing in front of you. Also, if you have a sibling who is ill in some way, include them. Once you feel present with them, say the words:
‘Please bless me if I have the courage to be happier than you’
Was it easy? Challenging? Emotional? What became present? Sadness, anger, resentment, feelings guilt or even superiority? If you felt nothing at all, then sit with the nothingness. Is it numbness?
Perhaps your spouse or a lover has passed away, how would it be if you said:
‘Please smile upon me kindly if I love freely again’
Perhaps you are divorced from the mother or father of your children, how would it be if you said the above sentence to them?