A Magic Wand
When it comes to personal development and healing, so many of us have yearned for a magic wand or hope that when we finally find the Holy Grail, pain will never have to be experienced again. We hope that ‘next time’ or ‘maybe this time’ I will ‘get it’ and pain will never visit me again, ever. I shall be open hearted and everyone will love me, this will shield me forever from disappointment, betrayal, jealousy and the projections of others. It can be a great disillusion to discover that no matter how much inner work we do, we can never be shielded from the pain of others and never be totally immune from pain.
However, there is freedom to be found from suffering, for suffering is caused by holding onto pain and also the stories we hold to be true about our painful experiences which then go on to become the scripts from which we act our lives.
Pain is experienced in the moment when we are betrayed by another, suffering is caused when we avoid pain through defending a closed heart – inwardly we say ‘ I shall never trust again’ or ‘I shall never love again’ – therefore we create our own suffering through living behind a closed door. It is ironic that for the most part we choose long term suffering over short term pain. We started the trend in early childhood of course and for many, it was simply a case of survival, for suppressed anger and pain kept us safe.
Whether you are working in a Family Constellation process on a workshop or in a private session there is often the temptation to not fully face something for fear of the pain. We often fear it so much that we’ll do just about anything to avoid it. When we have the courage to meet it fully and not tell a story about it, it more often than not loses its power – it is fear of the pain and fear of the fear that grips us, the pain itself is very short lived.
Pain, when held in place together with its avoidance leads to long term suffering. This suffering can deaden our spirits, make life seem dull, keep the depth of love we want to share and receive at an arm’s length and keep our natural spontaneous creative energies suppressed. All it takes to become free of suffering is to be willing, even just for a moment or two, to face whatever the original pain was, suspend all stories we have about it and be willing to tell the truth, take a deep breath, allow our life force energy and emotions to flow and voila, the road to freedom is signposted.
It is not a magic wand, it is a process, but all it takes is the willingness to face it all and to know the truth in its simplest form – devoid of story, embellishment and drama.
I look forward to connecting with you soon; I’m currently available for Skype sessions.